Now this is great news! Paranoia will be reprinted in a new edition this August. For reasons best left unexplored, the new edition will be called Paranoia XP…

Paranoia debuted at a time when the Soviet Union was shooting down jet liners and invading Afghanistan, and when many workers feared they would lose their jobs as a result of the spread of desktop computers. With its vision of an Orwellian world, a totalitarian society controlled by an insane Computer that demands instant obedience at laser-point, it struck a worldwide nerve. According to Costikyan, that vision is relevant now more than ever. “Paranoia XP is not an attempt to bring back an old RPG for the nostalgic. Its basic themes — totalitarianism, fear of technology, mistrust, and loathing — are, if anything, more relevant than they were in 1984. Spammers. Identify thieves. Blackhat hackers. The RIAA. Weapons of mass destruction. Totally dysfunctional government. Just as it did lo these many years ago, so shall the new Paranoia encapsulate and make funny the terrors we live with every day… or remind us to be afraid of things that we currently think are merely funny.”

Alex Fennell, Mongoose’s director, set down his Red Bull and Coke long enough to say, “We’re bloody delighted to be publishing Paranoia XP. Yanks don’t come any funnier than these blokes.”

I’ve never actually played Paranoia, but I’ve read tons of stuff about it and it seems hilarious.

The basic story is this: you are a cloneperson in the Alpha Complex, where your ancestors hid after WW3. The Alpha Complex is controlled by your friend the Computer, WHO ALWAYS SPEAKS LIKE THIS. SORT OF LIKE DEATH. THE COMPUTER IS YOUR FRIEND, CITIZEN!

Anyway. The computer is, shall we say, a bit crazy. Though mentioning that out loud would of course be treason, and your friend the Computer doesn’t like treason. In fact, the Computer will execute anyone suspected of being treasonous. And anyone being a mutant. Or communist.

Let’s not go into what it does to commie mutant traitors, shall we?

The clonecitizens of Alpha Complex are divided into color-coded hierarchies, the lowest one being infra-red, via red, orange, and a bunch of others. Cloneplayers usually start as red clonecitizens, and Troubleshooters at that.

Troubleshooters are the friendly Computer’s, well, Troubleshooters. They find trouble and shoot it. But mostly they have trouble shooting and get shot by the trouble.

Clonecitizens, you say? Well, every cloneperson in the Alpha Complex has a total of six clones — think of them as extra lives. And believe me, you’ll need them in Paranoia. It’s traditional to kill at least one clone before the players even reach the briefing room to find out what suicidal mission your friend the Computer has in store for you.

Not only that, but due to the radiation left behind after WW3, everyone in Alpha Complex actually has a mutant power. Adding yet more complexity, each player is also a member of a secret society, each one with a secret agenda to complete without your friend the Computer, or other societies, finding out.

After having lost a clone or two while trekking to the briefing room, it’s time to visit the R&D department to get equipped for your mission. The Computer has, in its infinite wisdom, already decided what equipment you need! Isn’t that friendly? You can get such fun and entertaining equipment as:

• A hat with a propeller that, when used, may or may not let you fly, or simply twist your head 720 degrees and snap your neck.
• A turbo-speed gas-driven toothbrush.
• Foam grenades. These explode in a cloud of foam that quickly grows as hard as cement. A great party gag!
• A nuclear hand grenade with a blast radius of 100 meters. Too bad most clones can only throw it 30 meters.
• Magnetic boots that let the clone walk on walls. Or that attract every metal object in the vicinity. Or stick to the floor and leave the clone standing there.

And remember: HAPPINESS IS MANDATORY, CITIZEN! NOT BEING HAPPY IS TREASONOUS! ARE YOU HAVING A HAPPY DAYCYCLE, CITIZEN?

Paranoia isn’t exactly the RPG for a long, involved campaign; but it’s great for one-shots.

The text-based online game rights to Paranoia have separately been licensed to Skotos. Reports that Paranoia XP will also be published in several other languages, and that film, computer, and console versions are may be forthcoming are rumors. Rumors are treason. Treason is punishable by summary execution. Have a nice day!

Update: There’s even a Paranoia XP blog by one of the authors of the original game! Praise the Computer!

Paranoia XP, should that be what we call it, is not an attempt to bring back an old RPG for the nostalgic, or not only that. Today, distrust and fear of government is as high as it has ever been. The fear and uncertainty around digital technology is as great as it has ever been, although it has shifted; it is not, as it was in the mid-80s, so much fear of being displayed by this new thing, the desktop computer; more, it is fear that scumbags will hijack your computer for their own ends and steal your financial information and destroy your reputation; that the Powers that Be will monitor your online behavior, to sue you into submission, or to indict you as a terrorist, or a child molester. That companies like Microsoft and the record labels will limit and restrict your freedom in ways no one could previously have contemplated.

The basic themes of Paranoia — totalitarianism, fear of technology, mistrust, and loathing — are, if anything, more relevant than they were in 1984, or whenever the fuck it was we published this thing first.

We have an opportunity not to “bring back” an old title, but to make Paranoia relevant to the 21st century.